


Popstar Paranormal Investigators

by Poecilotheria



Category: Kirby (Video Games), Kirby - All Media Types
Genre: Basically one big ghost adventures parody, Gen, Gijinka, Happy Halloween!, paranormal investigator AU
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-10-22
Updated: 2017-10-22
Packaged: 2019-01-21 05:52:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,340
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12450951
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Poecilotheria/pseuds/Poecilotheria
Summary: After hearing of a fellow student's haunted manor, aspiring filmmaker DDD hatches a plan to make it big.  Along with his knife-obsessed best friend Meta, culinary maestro Kirby, and his long suffering roommate Dee, he dives deep into the Lor Starcutter manor, hoping to catch a spirit on camera.  But something isn't quite right with their gracious host...





	Popstar Paranormal Investigators

                Kirby was beginning to regret the decisions that led up to his current situation.  There were a lot of decisions other people though he should regret that he didn’t.  Like befriending a loud-mouthed film major who went by DDD and carried a rubber mallet to “clobber any of them shady-types” with.  Or befriending DDD’s BFF, an eccentric man named Meta who studied engineering and owned enough bladed weapons to call his mental stability into question.  No one would question the third friend, though.  Dee was an absolute angel in the body of a soft-spoken nursing student, and anyone who said otherwise would have the other three to contend with.  No, what Kirby regretted was humoring DDD’s latest insane bid for stardom.

                “How many ghosts do ya think we’re gonna catch on camera?” DDD asked, pointing his handheld camera at the man sitting next to him.  The man was short, with dark mocha skin and steel-rimmed glasses.

                “Absolutely none, considering that they do not exist.  And I am certain that this van will not even produce vague noises you may interpret as spirits,” Meta grumbled, arms folded.  DDD frowned.

                “C’mon, man.  I’m tryna get some character development here,” he said, lightly shoving Meta’s shoulder.  Anyone else would have earned an icy threat for such a gesture, but DDD was exempt from the brunt of Meta’s foul moods. 

                “Right, character development.  My name is Meta, my hobbies include weapon collecting, metalworking, and tolerating metric tons of bullshit.  My repulsive holier than thou attitude shall be explained away by a tragic backstory revealed piecemeal throughout this farce of a production” he drawled.

                “Yeah that’ll work,” DDD snorted. 

                “His other hobby is eating Zebra Cakes until he vomits,” Kirby chimed in.  Meta gave the pink-haired man a wounded look from the back of the van.

                “That was confidential information,” he huffed. 

                “Kirby, you ate three watermelons and ended up in the ER, I don’t know if you can talk” Dee added, glancing at Kirby before returning to driving.  Kirby sunk back into the passenger seat, pouting.

                “That’s nothing.  Hey Meta, remember when you told me to eat a live wasp’s nest?”

                “No, I specifically told you not to.  You did it anyway and got both of us stung dozens of times.  Then it was discovered that the nest contained a rare species of wasp, and the entire entomology department wanted to gut us.  Professor Sectonia still glares at me whenever I see her,” Meta grumbled, wincing at the memory.  DDD wasn’t able to taste things or chew properly for weeks, and Meta had a bad reaction that lead to him puffing up like a balloon. 

                “Sectonia scares the piss outta me.”  DDD shuddered, pulling his hoodie snugly around him. 

                “Where are we heading, anyway?” Kirby interjected. 

                “Some guy from Meta’s classes said he’d inherited some big ol spooky mansion.  His name was Maggie Mor or something,” DDD said.

                “ _Magolor_.  And he inherited the Lor Starcutter mansion,” Meta corrected. 

                “Oh, you mean like your Halberd estate?” Dee asked.  Being the heir of the pharmaceutical company NME, Meta had inherited several properties after the disappearance of his estranged father.  All but the Halberd mansion had been sold, and Kirby had taken up residence as Meta’s roommate.  Unfortunately Kirby also had the habit of damaging or partially destroying the mansion on a semi-regular basis.

                “Correct.”

                “Hey, quit expositioning!  As the handsome leader of this team, it is my job to inform the audience while editing in spooky effects!” DDD interjected.  Meta sighed and massaged his temple.

                “I cannot believe I am participating in these shenanigans without financial compensation.”

                “You’re rich, ya don’t need it.”

                “Says the son of foreign royalty-“

                “Calm down, guys!  We’re here!” Dee said.  The van turned up onto a winding cobblestone driveway lined with large, gnarled trees.  The low angle of the sun meant that the road was shrouded in shadow, with only occasional slivers of light peeking through.  The mansion itself sat atop a hill surrounded by decrepit gardens and crumbling statues. 

                “Aw geez.  That’s so creepy looking,” Kirby said, though he seemed more interested than frightened.  Meta pressed his face up to the gap between the passenger seat and the door, taking in the sight.

                “Fascinating architecture…” he muttered.  The Victorian-style manor was a mix of faded golds, silvers and blues.  Two large statues sat to either side of the house, both shaped like stylized wings.  Meta started slightly as he felt cool evening air wash over him.

                “Ah yes, the perfect shot!” DDD yelled, hanging halfway out of the window.  Meta reached out and grabbed a handful of DDD’s hoodie, yanking him back inside the van.  A tree branch whipped across the window frame just moments later, throwing a few leaves through the opening. 

                “You are going to become a ghost if you do not keep your wits about you!” Meta snapped. 

                “Gotta get candid shots of the approach!” DDD said, angling the camera towards the windshield this time.  Meta rolled his eyes and snatched his backpack from the floorboards, grabbing his own smaller camera from within one of its pouches.  He was certain that DDD’s shots would all be artistically pleasing, but the man had a tendency to miss the actual focus of the action.  Meta was a hypervigilant and paranoid man by nature, and a member of the journalism club on top of his studies.  There wasn’t much he didn’t know about his fellow students, owing to his habit of silently watching from afar.  His camera would catch anything DDD missed.

                “Well, it definitely looks haunted,” Dee said, laughing nervously as the van slowed to a halt.

                “Oh, for sure.  It probably has like demons in it or something too,” Kirby chirped, unlatching his seatbelt.  DDD and Meta had already hopped out, sweeping their respective cameras over the landscape.

                “Yay,” Dee groaned, turning off the engine and sliding out of his seat.  He reluctantly followed Kirby towards the large front door, with DDD trailing behind to film and Meta investigating the building’s exterior.  The doors looked extremely heavy, each one having a tarnished silver handle affixed to the front.  Kirby reached out to knock, but the doors swung open before he could make contact, causing Dee to scamper a few steps backwards.  DDD held out a thumbs-up.

                “Sick entrance!”  The man in the doorway was of average height and had skin a shade darker than Meta’s.  He wore an odd cat-ear beanie and a scarf that covered the lower half of his face. 

                “Thanks man.  I’m Magolor, by the way,” he said, holding a gloved hand out.  Kirby shook it without hesitation. 

                “I’m Kirby, that’s Dee, and the guy with the camera is Danny, but he likes to be called DDD,” he said warmly. 

                “Ya don’t gotta give my name out like that.  Anyway, if you saw a weirdo with glasses that was Meta.  He’s lurking around here somewhere,” DDD huffed. 

                “I am not a weirdo.  And I would suggest locking your windows more thoroughly.”  Magolor nearly stumbled off of the stoop in surprise, whirling around to stare at Meta.  The man gave him a blank look, as if creeping into a strangers home and sneaking up behind them was perfectly normal.

                “Dude!” Magolor wheezed, pressing his hand over his heart.  Meta noted the harsh look from Dee and Kirby (and ignored DDD’s snickering).  He held his hand out sheepishly.

                “I apologize.  I was merely gathering information on the layout,” he mumbled.  Magolor gave Meta the sort of look reserved for only the most astonishing displays of social ineptitude. 

                “Um, it’s fine,” he said, shaking Meta’s hand.  The guy had an iron grip that left Magolor’s hand throbbing.

                “Don’t mind him, he’s harmless,” Dee said quickly, shooting Meta another stern glance.

                “Mostly,” Kirby added.  Magolor gave the entire group (save for Meta, who was making a threatening gesture at Kirby from behind him) a long look.

                “We gonna keep standin out here or what?” DDD asked.

                “Well, come on in,” Magolor said, already beginning to regret his decision. 

**Author's Note:**

> This is just a dumb short fic for Halloween. Enjoy!


End file.
